I Have a Crush on My Best Friend And She's a Girl!

Dear Rachel, 

When I was 16 I realized that I might be bisexual. Now I am 17 and know I am. I am attracted to my best friend but she is always getting with guys. Then I saw her kiss another girl at a party. I feel really scared but I want to tell her how I feel. Should I? 

RS 

Dear RS, 

This is a tough one. Even though I get approximately 457 emails a day from girls who want to know if they should tell a guy if they like him, it’s different when you’re considering spilling the beans to another girl. The headline here is: Proceed With Caution.

For one thing, even if society has made a lot of progress toward accepting gay people, there is still a lot of anxiety and fear about homosexuality. And people who act like they are cool with being gay might have a different response when it becomes personal. 

It’s also true that some girls make out with other girls at parties. They usually only do it in public, and often in front of other guys - I guess it’s some kind of entertainment? If you’re gay or bi and you’re seeing that, be careful what you assume. When you hook up in order to be watched, your priority may not be your own desire or feelings but, well, being watched. So those girls may not actually be gay or bi or even curious - they may just be into getting a rise out of people. 

Here’s what I’d do: drop some hints and ask some pointed questions. You could casually ask, “Would you ever date a girl?” or “Did you like kissing that girl at the party?” or “I’m super into you, want to make out?” Okay, kidding, not that last one. The other possibility is just telling her you’re into girls and seeing how she reacts. 

Generally speaking, I think you’re better off not getting with a best friend, boy or girl. If it doesn’t go well, you put one of your most important relationships at serious risk. I’d say you better be seriously in love or really know you want this person before you go there. 

Good luck and let me know how it goes! 

Rachel

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